Because I Forget Who I've Told

Well, a couple months ago I asked my friends to pray about some tests that I was going to have run, and I actually have the results, but I can't remember who I've told. While I could keep this info to myself, I realize that there are people who would like to know but who I probably won't see and therefore won't remember to tell the scoop.

So here goes...

My doctor tested for all kinds of "normal" things like thyroid, blood sugar, etc. She also tested for "not-so-normal" stuff like Protein S and MTHFR (Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase). Turns out that I have a double genetic mutation of MTHFR, which basically means that my body doesn't absorb folic acid or vitamin Bs properly. So now we know why Isaiah has spina bifida. It also means that I am likely to have blood clots, which is probably what happened with our first miscarriage.

So what does this mean?

Basically for the rest of my child-bearing years, whether or not we're "trying" to get pregnant, I need to take an exorbitant amount of folic acid to help prevent any further neural tube defects. I've been taking this for several years now. Also when God blesses us with our next child, I need to take a mild blood thinner in order to lower the chances of having another blood clot. If I have surgery of any kind I also have to take something afterwards, but I don't remember what that is.

So that's the general gist of it all. I included the links in case you more medical types wanted to know more details. Me, I'm just thankful for copy and paste because there's no way that I'll ever remember what MTHFR stands for!

So when I have told people about this, they always ask about my reaction. Part of me doesn't want to answer this question, but perhaps my honesty about my learning during this time will be helpful.

When I first heard the results I felt relief. Whew, we have an answer and something that can be done. Then for some reason when someone else asked me how I felt, I had this yucky reaction: Oh yeah, it's great knowing that my body can either give my babies a birth defect or kill them. Yeah, that's great.

I'm not proud of that reaction at all, but it's the truth. For a couple weeks I really struggled with these thoughts. I firmly believe that God has created me the way that He wants me, and all my children are designed by Him as well. But I was upset that He made my body the way He did, and not just the body image issues that people have, I mean this effects more than just me. With lots and lots of prayer sessions with God, some less than restful nights and buckets of tears, I was finally able to set aside those thoughts and praise God for the way that He made me and pray that I will be used for His glory no matter what happens with the babies that He gives to us. His way is perfect, even when I don't understand.

He is worthy.